The family system we were born into laid the blueprint for what we needed to do to receive love, safety and connection.
Parts of us were welcomed and parts of us were not:
- If we wanted to receive love, it meant sacrificing ourselves
- If we wanted to be accepted, we couldn’t be angry or disagree
- If we wanted to belong, we had to become what others wanted us to be
- If we wanted to be safe, we had to hide or be small
- If we wanted to be experience connection, we had to caretake
Healing means venturing down the path of reclaiming the parts of ourselves that weren’t welcome in those dynamics and allowing them to freely be expressed in our current relationships.
At first this will be scary because in the past it would have meant being shamed, harmed, abandoned, etc.
But the more we show our system that things are different now, the more we come into our wholeness, our trueness, and the kinds of connection we were always meant to experience.
There may be any number of reasons for why your primary needs weren’t met, but when that happens, we brilliantly and adaptively look for other ways to receive love, safety, attunement and connection.
The good news is that we can absolutely shift this. Healing means coming back into our embodied truth and reclaiming and reparenting the parts of ourselves that didn’t receive what they needed in the past.