As a licensed therapist, I see love as one of the most profound yet complex aspects of the human experience. It brings joy, connection, and meaning, but it also challenges us, exposes our wounds, and forces us to grow. Jay Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love offers a thoughtful, structured approach to navigating relationships—whether you’re searching for love, deepening an existing connection, or healing from heartbreak.
Here are some of my insights on Shetty’s eight essential rules of love and how they align with the emotional and psychological realities of relationships.
Let Yourself Be Alone
Before we can fully love someone else, we must learn to be comfortable with ourselves. Shetty emphasizes solitude as an opportunity for self-discovery. From a therapeutic standpoint, this means learning to be ok with you. Quietness and stillness within us can be really difficult to tolerate as it allows us to hear our own thoughts and notice what is there. This allows us to create understanding of emotional patterns, and can help us begin to develop self-worth independent of external validation. Many people fear loneliness and rush into relationships to fill a void—but true connection starts with self-awareness.
Don’t Ignore the Red Flags
Love can be blinding, but ignoring warning signs often leads to painful cycles. As a therapist, I encourage clients to pay attention to patterns rather than isolated incidents. Shetty highlights the importance of recognizing unhealthy behaviors early on. If something feels off—whether it’s emotional unavailability, poor communication, or a lack of mutual respect—trust your intuition. Love should never require you to sacrifice your well-being.
Define Love Before You Think You Feel It
Many people mistake infatuation or chemistry for love, but Shetty reminds us to define what love truly means to us. From a psychological standpoint, love is not just a feeling—it’s a commitment, an action, and a practice. In therapy, I often explore attachment styles and past relational wounds to help people understand what love means to them and how it has shaped their choices.
Your Partner Isn’t Meant to Complete You
Shetty reinforces the idea that love should be a partnership, not a rescue mission. I often remind clients that a healthy relationship consists of two whole individuals coming together—not two people looking for someone to fill their emotional gaps. Codependency can feel like love, but true intimacy is built on interdependence: the ability to rely on each other while maintaining a strong sense of self.
Don’t Chase—Attract
Rather than obsessing over finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person. Shetty encourages readers to cultivate qualities in themselves that they desire in a partner. As a therapist, I see this as an invitation for self-work. The more we align with our values, nurture our emotional health, and build fulfilling lives, the more likely we are to attract partners who are also emotionally available and aligned with our needs.
Heal from Past Relationships Before Starting a New One
Unresolved wounds have a way of resurfacing in new relationships. Shetty highlights the importance of processing past pain before entering another romantic connection. In therapy, we often work through attachment wounds, betrayal, and grief so that patterns don’t repeat. Healing isn’t about forgetting—it’s about learning, growing, and setting yourself up for a healthier dynamic in the future.
Love Should Be Based on Values, Not Just Feelings
Feelings fluctuate, but shared values create lasting foundations. Many relationships fail because they are built on chemistry rather than compatibility. Shetty urges readers to prioritize alignment in values, goals, and long-term vision. In my work, I see couples struggle when they realize their life paths are drastically different. Love alone isn’t enough—it needs direction, mutual understanding, and a strong foundation.
Love Is a Daily Practice, Not a Destination
Love is not something you find and keep effortlessly; it’s a daily choice. Shetty compares love to a practice, much like meditation or self-care. As a therapist, I remind clients that sustaining love requires effort—open communication, intentional connection, and ongoing personal growth. Long-term relationships thrive when both partners commit to continuously showing up for each other.
Final Thoughts
Shetty’s 8 Rules of Love beautifully align with what I see in my therapy practice—love is both an art and a discipline. It requires self-awareness, emotional maturity, and a willingness to grow. Whether you’re single, healing, or in a committed relationship, these principles offer a roadmap to cultivating a love that is both fulfilling and sustainable.
If any of these rules resonate with you, take a moment to reflect on how they show up in your own relationships. Love isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself in the process.
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